I haven’t blogged in a little while (anything that can happen has been happening), but I’ve been meditating and taking life in as it comes. My dad celebrated another birthday the other day (his first with my son) and it was a cause for pause and reflection on the wisdom amassed in just a short time on earth.
My dad told me, about 10 years ago, something that’s beginning to resonate in my daily life. He told me (who at the time had no interest in parenthood) that “having children will make you a better man, better preacher, and a more sensitive leader.” I didn’t know what he was talking about. I was a Marine (a good man and a model leader by Marine Corps standards) and had some early promise in the preaching ministry (five-and-a-half years by then – but extremely immature). “What could parenthood possibly teach me?” was my silent reply.
Fast forward to last summer when I got a swift introduction into parenthood. As my son, Buda, has rapidly grown and developed, so has my love for him. The Holy Spirit has a funny way of bringing things back to your memory. The things my dad used to do with me began to make sense and Dad became less strange and more brilliant in my mind.
I find myself making better decisions, especially when it comes to my son. When it was just me, I could take more risks and live on the edge, but with a little person to raise, I’ve had the reign in those ways. I’m always asking, “How will this affect Buda?” I had a fantastic opportunity in Atlanta a couple months before he was born and I was torn over whether I should take the job or not (we know the outcome, since I’m blogging from Kansas City). My decision was driven by not wanting to deprive the one who would be known to me as Buda of something I had and sadly, not many children get to experience – a present, caring, loving, and active father. I figured I owed him that much. As of today, I haven’t regretted that decision one bit. That son of mine helps me think things through from types of career opportunities to pursue, what people I invite in my circle, and even the way I react to adversity. So, Dad was right – Buda’s making me a better man.
As far as a better preacher: I’ve intentionally shut it down since before my son’s birth. I needed to take some time to gather myself, settle into the role of a parent, and allow myself to accept God’s forgiveness for the event bringing Buda into my life. I can say that I’m becoming a better Bible teacher. I’ve always been serious about my craft, but parenthood has helped me break an invisible ceiling in my spiritual walk. I find myself praying more, honestly seeking God more, and really absorbing the material I present. I’m extremely nervous about returning to the sacred desk, but I’ll cross that bridge when the opportunity presents itself.
Leadership is an ever-evolving lesson in life. A leader has to be firm, yet sensitive to the needs of those he leads. I’m still learning the balance between firmness and empathy with my son. Sometimes good leaders get caught in the trap of judging a follower by their potential and not their current state. I keep reminding myself, as bright and brilliant Buda is, he’s still a baby. When he decides to shred that important piece of paper, I take a deep breath and say, “That’s okay, Daddy can print another one later.” Documents, lamps, and books (all things he’s damaged recently) are replaceable – but the time nurturing, feeding into, and cultivating are forever.
I’m thankful for Dad’s insight, thankful for the lessons, but most of all I’m thankful for my Buda.
MB
PS: No, my son’s name isn’t “Buda,” it’s one of his few nicknames. I want my son to be employable later in life!
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